Weight Loss Blog: Day 11: The lesson of NOT letting go

I was waiting for this "I don't care" thought to enter my mind and take hold. I knew there would be days that I struggled. that ifI knew there would be times that I wanted to just forget about the calorie count and just go back to eating what I want, when I want, in any quantity I wanted. I also knew if I didn't allow myself to indulge on the things I love to eat most, I would hit those walls a lot more and harder.

Whenever I would go on a "diet", I would get rid of all snack foods and crap. The theory is that if it isn't available to you, you won't eat it. And for logistical reasons, it makes perfect sense. But try telling that to someone who is addicted to sugar.

I don't care that I enjoy cookies and cakes. I love that I can eat cotton candy and popcorn. And just to take them away, makes me want them more. I end up hitting the wall after a few days- I run to the grocery store and blow a ton of money on crap. Should I eat it? No. Do I care? No. lol   I know being healthy is thing I NEED to do. But all things in moderation. I end up eating less of the crap and just focusing on the meals and calories and trying my hardest to change things a little at a time until I WANT to be healthy in the things I eat.

Until then.....I'll count my calories and enjoy the things I love in moderation :)

The reason I talk about this is because yesterday was the day that I gave in to the sugar devil. He reared his ugly head after lunch yesterday and although I was still being careful with calories, until last night. I felt hungry all.day.long.!!! It was horrible. And eating a banana or a piece of bread just wouldn't cut it. I ended up over my calories for the night (not by much but still).  And with the horrible bawl fest that was the Glee episode last night, I had to accompany my grief with food.

I went to bed feeling like crap. Literally. I felt full, I felt gross, and most of all- I felt disappointed that I gave in to those cravings. This came to mind:

So I ask you (and myself)....is it worth it? Do I want the body of my dreams more than I want that cookie? Do I prefer feeling good at night when I go to bed, or do I NEED to have that bag of popcorn? And now that I've experienced the shame while going through the process of trying to transform, I understand now that I prefer NOT to give in to those cravings. I prefer to let my tummy grumble or soothe it with a stick of gum instead of giving into that horrible sugar devil and regretting it later.

Now that I've experienced the total disappointment in myself after giving in- I will come back to this post and remember exactly how I felt. I will try harder not to give in to crap and to stay motivated to lose this weight. :)

Yesterdays Weight: 167.8

Todays Weight: 168.4